I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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