Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
