shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
