So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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