He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
