she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
