go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
