I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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