I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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