He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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