I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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