things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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