I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
