'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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