i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
