god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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