Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
