They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
only if we run a train.
done.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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