Where did you get a picture of my penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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