he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
