i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
