Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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