i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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