two words: eviction party
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
