is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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