I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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