I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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