how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
false alarm, still single
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
