oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
