Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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