Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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