I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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