Whats the count minus fat chicks?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
