she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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