In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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