well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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