How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
