Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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