I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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