You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
