Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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