I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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