I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
