I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
