His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
