I looked at my own cervix.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
