this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
