don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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