omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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