i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
