"it" just moved
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i love accidental penises.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
