wakey wakey hands off snakey
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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