worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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