The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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