I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize