True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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