i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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