Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
