oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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