I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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